Week 8: Tricks and Treats

Week 8: Tricks and Treats

Just another quiet week in the NFL, right?

Juju Martavis
This punk-ass M-F’er stole my bike.  So I stole his job.

It started off with Martavis Bryant making statements on social media that apparently thinks he’s better than teammate Juju Smith-Schuster and that the Steelers should be throwing him even more balls to drop this season or trade him to some other team that will.  Rumors also started to fly that Bryant was perhaps responsible for stealing the bicycle that Smith-Schuster uses for his primary transportation. That whole episode promptly got Bryant sent to the bench for the week.  The Thursday game gave us a scoring explosion from the previously hapless Ravens that had Dolphins coach Adam Gase criticizing “top players” who weren’t studying the playbook (more on that later).  We had 6 teams on a bye and the first big weekend of bad weather games across the eastern seaboard, that was keeping scoring down across the league.  Then Seattle and Houston had perhaps the game of the year in a high-flying back-and-forth shootout that accounted for nearly 25% of all the TDs during the standard afternoon (1:00-7:00) slate of games on the Red Zone channel.  Then JuJu Smith-Schuster made his own statement by going for 193 yards and a touchdown on Sunday Night Football



Then things got real crazy.  Houston flew back home after their big game, and then promptly sent their left tackle back to the Pacific Northwest in the first of some crazy trade-deadline action. Patriots backup Jimmy Garappolo got traded to San Francisco. Oh, hey look! Ezekiel Elliot’s suspension got reinstated.  Then the Dolphins traded Jay Ajayi (one of their “top players,” no doubt) to Philly. Rumors were surfacing that teams were trying to trade for retired WRs Calvin Johnson and Anquan Boldin. Jarvis Landry, Matt Forte, TY Hilton and Frank Gore were the subject of trade speculation, the Jets traded a 5th round pick for a corner who couldn’t start for one of the worst pass defenses in the league (Jets gonna Jets). Then the Panthers traded their one semi-proven wide receiver, Kelvin Benjamin, to the Bills three minutes before the trade deadline.

Browns keep doing Browns things

But the best was that 5 minutes before the deadline, the Browns had to make sure they staked their claim as the laughingstock of the league, as they agreed to trade for Cincinatti

AJ McCarron Katherine Webb
AJ McCarron says he’s “Blessed” after non-trade to Cleveland.  I bet Brent Musburger still agrees.

 backup QB AJ McCarron, but never bothered to call it in to league offices before the deadline, reportedly because they were celebrating the trade (Browns gonna Browns).  And somewhere in there, the Giants suspended their best cornerback defender healthy player Janoris Jenkins for unspecified reasons (but probably because their coach is in over his head)


Buoyed by the Seattle-Houston game, average scoring stayed about the same in the league this week but with a much wider range.   Three teams scored more than last week’s high score, but the other 6 teams failed to top 117 points

We finally got a new team at the top of the total points standings as the Llamas rode the second highest score in the league this year to to top spot with McCaffeinated and Fly Eagles Fly not too far behind.  But that lead will probably not be long-lived with Elliot’s suspension kicking in (again, for now, but probably for good)

Llamageddon 195.88, McCownasty 90.64

After the big game by Smith-Schuster, it might be time to consider a new team name

Once the afternoon games kicked in, this game turned into a laugher.  After the 1:00 games were done, the score was extremely close and both teams had a few players left.  The Llamas’ four players (Russell Wilson-43.08, JuJu Smith-Schuster 32.3, Ezekiel Elliot-26.4, and Tyler Lockett 17.9) scored nearly 120 points.  The three remaining Nasty players (Tyreek Hill-3.8, Jesse James-6.2 and the Denver Defense-5.0) scored only 15 points allowing Llamageddon to more than double McCownasty’s total score.



Fly Eagles Fly 166.66, Fournettecation 80.70

throat punch thursdayThis is the second game where the winner more than doubled the score of their opponent.  Every once in a while I glance at the auto-generated game recaps on the league site and the one for this game had an interesting title:  “Fly Eagles Fly Throat-Punches Fournettecation to Move into 3rd Place.”  Throat-punches?  I didn’t even know throat-punch was a thing, but apparently there’s memes about it and it seems like “Throat-punch Thursday” is a thing of its own.  Who knew?! For the Eagles, Deandre Hopkins caught a big piece of that Seattle Houston action with over 36 points, Jerick McKinnon punished the winless Browns, and the Eagles Defense abused the winless 49ers. After a fast start to the season, Fournettecation has been reeling of late, failing to top 90 points since week 5.

pUSHing Chains 116.52, Plan XVII 109.46

In the first of three very tight games, Adam Thielen got Plan XVII’s Sunday off to a good start with a decent performance from Merry Old England.  However, nobody else really took off and the Chain gang quickly made up that ground in the early afternoon session.  After that the two teams went back and forth all day.  Each team had one player left going into the Sunday night game where pUSHing Chains’ Golden Tate was able to hold off Plan 17’s LeVeon Bell.

Breaking Wind 157.66, Magic Mike Evans 154.98

Magic Mike got off to a fast start with a monster 2-TD performance from the Baltimore defense.  With a big game from Will Fuller and Jimmy Graham (there’s that Seattle-Houston game again) they managed to extend that lead a little by the end of the afternoon games on Sunday, but at that point they were out of players, while Breaking Wind still had the Kansas City Defense and kicker.  In a shocking Monday night rally Breaking wind got 21 points from each of those remaining bit-players to claim the narrow victory.

Game of the Week
McCaffeinated 113.92, Make the Redskins Great Again 112.18

MTRGA jumped out to a lead before the 1:00 game started and started to build on that lead early Sunday afternoon, but then went into a funk as several key players underperformed.  at that time McCaffeinate made their big move as Mohammed Sanu and Rob Gronkowski had decent outings, but by 4:00 they had stalled too.  McCaffeinated built a decent lead by the end of the Sunday night game and things looked good with Kareem Hunt and Demaryius Thomas still to play.  But the Redskins had Alex Smith and Travis Kelce still to play and when they hooked up for an early TD on Monday night it was suddenly a dogfight.  Both teams went at it all night but neither could pull away.  The Redskins finally pulled ahead late in the 4th quarter, but some clock-killing runs by Hunt were just enough to claim the win, by the closest margin of victory since week 1.





Week 7: The Alpacalypse is Upon Us!

Week 7:   The Alpacalypse is Upon Us!
llama turn and stare
Take Me To Your Lleader!

Undefeated opponent?  No probllama!

At llong llast, Matt’s reign of terror at the top of the standings has been ended.  The Llamageddon is here.  The Llamas knocked off the previously unbeaten McCaffeinated to claim the top spot in the standings.  it not only was the first defeat for McCafe, but the first time anyone scored more than 110 points (and change) against them, and the Coffee Crew wilted under their first real challenge of the year.

With both teams now 6-1 at the top of the standings, a week 13 rematch could be critical for final playoff positioning.

After the top two teams, there is a 2 game gap before a llogjam of 4 teams fighting for 3rd through 6th place, with another team within 1 game of that group  A couple weeks ago there seemed to be a clear split between top 5 and bottom 5 teams, but things change quickly as several of the early lleaders have slipped and several of the early stragglers have rallied of llate.  The race for the final playoff spots could be intense.

We had another new claimant to the top score of the week with Breaking Wind edging out the Llamas by .56 points.  The Llamas held the llead with 2 minutes lleft on monday night, but then a combination of a missed Jake Elliot field goal followed by a -3 yard catch and a useless 15 yards scamper on 3rd and 25 by Chris Thompson were just enough garbage-time work for things to break the way of the Gasesous Ones. (For the record, I’m waiting for the official stat corrections to come out tomorrow before I consider this final.  Some of those “passes” to Thompson llooked llike they might have gone backwards.)

Having claimed his 3rd top weekly score llast week, Matt still holds the llead in overall points.  Only 2 other teams are within 150 points of first, so the field for total points may be thinning out rapidly

Plan XVII 138.14, Fournettecation 88.3

Plan 17 jumped out to an early llead on Sunday, and continued to pull away for an easy victory.  Drew Brees, Doug Baldwin and LleVeon Bell lled Plan 17 to their 4th win and 2nd win in a row.  Fournettecation is still reeling from the injury to QB Aaron Rodgers.  Not that Rodgers was on their team, but his injury seeming killed any value Ty Montgomery, Jordy Nelson and Martellus Bennett might have had.  Combine that with a short-term injury to the team namesake Lleonard Fournette, and it was too much to overcome.  Fournettecation drops their 2nd straight matchup to drop to 4-3, but tiebreakers have them currently in 6th place and out of the playoffs if the season ended today.

Breaking Wind 154.82, Make the Redskins Great Again 121.48

Breaking Wind overcame a goose-egg from the Chiefs defense on Thursday night to take top scoring honors for the week and a victory over MTRGA.  LleSean McCoy and Jarvis Llandry lled the Windy ones but it was the depth of scoring that made the difference as no one other than the Chiefs scored lless than 9.9 points.  The Redskins’ Alex Smith was the top scorer in the game, but a total of only 22.5 points from four WRs doomed them.  “Underperforming Redskin Wide Receivers” seem to be kind of a thing this year *cough*pryor*cough*crowder*cough*.  Even with a two game win streak, the Windbreakers are only in 9th place while the Redskins cling to 3rd overall despite a 2 game llosing streak.

terry adam standings
Bad Breaks:  Two more points for, one less point against, yet Terry is in 9th place, while Adam is in 3rd.

Magic Mike Evans 138.92, McCownasty 114.06

amari Cooper missingAmari Cooper is Alive and Well!   After going into hiding for five straight weeks, Cooper exploded on the scene for a whopping 44 points to get things started off right for Magic Mike. Really no one other than team mascot Mike Evans and kicker (kicker!) Chris Boswell had notable performances, but Cooper’s big day was plenty to hold off the cellar-dwelling McCownasties.


Llamageddon 154.26, McCaffeinated 131.76

approaching llamas
We’re coming for you.

The battle of the top two teams was neck and neck for most of the weekend, but the Llamas had too much in reserve on Monday Night as they pulled away for their 6th straight victory and knocked McCaffeinated out of the top spot in the standings for the first time this year.  The Llamas got over 70 points from Ezekiel Elliot and Russell Wilson, which was enough to overcome llackluster performances up and down the llineup.  Dak Prescot actually outperformed Wilson, but the Barristas had no answer for Elliot’s big game.

Game of the Week
Fly Eagles Fly 134.84, pUSHing Chains 130.48

Derek Carr and Michael Crabtree got the Chains moving in the right direction on Thursday Night, but the Eagles came flying back on Sunday to take the llead behind Todd Gurley and Julio Jones.  Pushing Chains made a valiant attempt at a comeback with Jordan Reed exploding for two touchdowns but the Eagles Defense and Alshon Jeffery’s measly 5 points were just enough to hold off the llate charge.




Week 5: Oh hell, Odell

Week 5:  Oh hell, Odell

Better late than never, right?

Scoring was oddly compressed this week as we had the lowest high score of the year (154.04) and one of the highest low scores of the year (99.28) for a range of less than 55 points.  (Yet we still managed to have a 50 point blowout).  Overall scoring was down a little bit, but that’s not unexpected with the bye weeks kicking in.

We’re starting to see some separation between the top five and bottom five teams in the standings.  The top five teams by record are also the top 5 by total points, and perhaps more telling, the gap in total points between 5th and 6th place is over 65 points – the biggest gap between any two positions.  After opening up a nearly 100 point lead over 2nd place in weeks 1-2, Matt’s continually falling scores are allowing the pack to whittle away at that lead to where it’s now only 34 points.

It’s probably not a coincidence that several of the biggest injuries have befallen the teams struggling to keep pace, because top level production is hard to replace.

For the 3rd week in a row we had a new winner of the weekly top score (Adam).  We still have one unbeaten team and we’re down to two winless teams.  (Hmmm… Maybe I’ll add a poll about that!)  It’s still  possible that any team could make a move, get on a run, and sneak into the playoffs.  My expectation from the beginning was that a 7-6 team will likely get in.  But time is quickly running out for several squads.

Oh, and Zeke just got re-suspended, so I’m probably gonna be heading towards that bottom 5 real soon, opening the door for someone to move up

Llamageddon 150.82, Plan XV11 99.28

A late surge by TE Cameron Brate gave the 17ers a healthy cushion after the Thursday game, but it was pretty much downhill from there.  The biggest culprit was Big Ben Roethlisberger, who surrendered five interceptions on his way to a sub-3 point clunker but several other big name players fell short of expectations.  Melvin Gordon and AJ Green had big games for the Alpacalypse, overcoming a 1 point game from Davante Parker who left the game early with an injury to post the biggest blowout of the week.

Let’s relive that Steeler meltdown again…


Fournettecation 147.36, McCownasty 116.22

Led yet again by their namesake Fournettecation slowly and steadily pulled away from McCownasty to record their 4th win of the year.  Jameis Winston and Chris Hogan also had good games, but this was more about the Nasty performances from some big-name players on the other side.  With only one player topping 15 points, it was going to be tough to beat anyone.  It didn’t help that McCownasty benched Carson Wentz, who scored more than double the top starter with over 35 points.  It would have even been better to start team namesake Josh McCown (17+pts) instead of Tom Brady

Vince Lombardi, when he hears that the Jets’ Josh McCown outscored Tom Brady:

Make the Redskins Great Again 154.04, Fly Eagles Fly 133.80

Finally, MTRGA were not involved in the closest game of the week. This week it was like a sports talk radio show where “Aaron from Wisconsin” steals the show.  Green Bay’s Aaron Rodgers and Aaron Jones put on a dominating performance against Dallas to pace the Redskins along with TY Hilton.  Cam Newton led the Eagles with over 30 points, but there just wasn’t enough solid scoring behind him to keep pace as MTRGA scored the most points in the league this week.

Magic Mike Evans 131.62, pUSHing chains 120.62

odell ankle
That part definitely ain’t supposed to be facing that way.

Philip Rivers and Davante Adams shined as Magic Mike Evans notched their first victory of the season against pUSHing chains.  Despite getting less than two points from both Tarik Cohen and Amari Cooper, Mike and Co. managed to pull a rabbit out of their hat. The pUSHers were led by Odell Beckham Jr. but lost him for the season to a late-game ankle mangling.  The Seattle Defense had  a nice game with 17 points, but it came at an even bigger expense to QB Jared Goff who could not muster even 8 points against that defense.  With each team starting Bears RBs, there was an outside chance that of some drama on Monday night, but neither pUSHing chains’ Jordan Howard nor Magic Mike’s Tarik Cohen did enough to even make it mildly interesting.


McCaffeinated 118.94, Breaking Wind 110.06

Breaking Bad has become Breaking Wind, but it seems things are only breaking worse, as the team remains winless on the season.  McCaffeinated continues its’ stunning week to week drop in scoring, yet somehow faces an opponent scoring at or near the bottom of the league to remain atop the standings at 5-0.  McCafe was led by a huge game from Dak Prescott and a nice showing from Antonio Brown, one of the few non-Jaguars to catch passes from Ben Roethlisberger. But a zero at TE from Evan Engram and several players in single digits left them with one of the lowest scores of the week.  But they had the good fortune to be playing the second lowest scoring team.  Breaking Wind put up a stinker this week with no player able to hit 20 points.  At 0-5 they’ll need to step on the gas if they want to have a shot at the playoffs.   Their best non-quarterback was Buck Allen who was silent but deadly on the bench.  Green Bay kicker Mason Crosby whiffed on two separate point-after attempts.  It might be time to cut the cheese-head and pick up a new kicker

Breaking out the Breaking Wind Cheer:

Week 4 Injuries are Not a Petty Thing

Week 4 Injuries are Not a Petty Thing

Pictured:  Terry thinks “Surely, you jest!” when star RB Dalvin Cook goes down with a season-ending knee injury.

Week 4 brought on a slew of injuries to key players to shake up the Fantasy landscape.  The most significant appears to be the season ending injury to Dalvin Cook, who was one of the top RB in the league through three weeks.  Not far behind is the mangled leg of Seattle RB Chris Carson.  But in addition to those, you have WRs Julio Jones and Mohammed Sanu both getting dinged for Atlanta, Odell Beckham playing through a dislocated finger and other ailments, and just like last season, Marcus Mariota and Derek Carr once again went down with injuries on the same day.

The tone for the weekend was set on Thursday night for Green Bay when Ty Montgomery went down with broken ribs.  His replacement, Jamal Williams promptly went down with a knee injury of some sort.  The icing on the cake was WR Davante Adams getting his gray-matter knocked clean into next week.

After 3 weeks with a lot of close contests, this week was all blowouts.  The closest score of any game was a 22 point margin (of course, Adam was involved) and no game was realistically in doubt by the time Monday’s game started.

Fly Eagles Fly 180.04, Magic Mike Evans 95.38

Tom_petty_the_heartbreakers-learning_to_fly_sIt appears the Eagles have certainly learned how to fly as they soared to the top score of the week behind huge games from Cam Newton, Todd Gurley and Bilal Powell.  For Magic Mike, they’re “Learning to fly, but they ain’t got wings. Coming down is the hardest thing”  Only Philip Rivers and the team’s namesake wide reciever were able to even crack double digits as the Magic men yet again crashed down to earth.

Fournettecation 165.08, pUSHing Chains 96.24

Fournettecation was able to overcome the early exit by Ty Mongomery to win this clash of 2-1 teams in dominating fashion.  Jameis Winston nearly doubled his total points for the year this week to lead the way, but Team Mascot Leonard Fournette, and WRs Jordy Nelson and Tyrell Williams also had better games than any Chain Gang starters.  pUSHing chains was led by its defense which probably tells you all you need to know.

Plan XVII 131.14, Breaking Bad 99.28

220px-TP_-_Breakdown_singleI’m still trying to put the team name for Breaking Bad together with its avatar.  I guess Elmer Fudd has taken up cooking meth?  Any way, Breaking Bad might be reaching a Breakdown as they lost arguably their best player when Dalvin Cook’s knee gave out.  Not only that, they finally decided to start Chris Thompson and right on cue, he puts up a 1.7 point dud to put a cap on a horrible week for the meth-cooking, lisping, nimrods. Breaking Bad had to be thinking Don’t Do Me Like That all weekend.  LeVeon Bell’s big game in Baltimore was really the difference as nobody else really stood out for the Frenchies.

McCaffeinated 129.78, McCownasty 97.08

It looked like we were holding our own bastardized version of the Scottish Highland Games with McCaffeinated and McCownasty facing off.

McCafe scoring trend wk 4
At the rate they are Free-Fallin’, McCaffeinated will fail to score any points by week 10

While McCafe escaped with a win to remain the only undefeated team in the league and McCownasty is still searching for their first win, both teams are Free-Fallin’ in their own way.  McCownasty is still falling after last year’s surprise run to the league title, and the loss of top overall pick David Johnson in week 1.  McCafe on the other hand, is the only team to score fewer and fewer points each and every week. On a positive note, McCownasty managed to break the curse of playing against Matt, by NOT being the lowest scoring team in the league when facing him. it was by less than 2 points, but it wasn’t the low score of the week, dammit.

Llamageddon 142.40, Make The Redskins Great Again 122.26

The closest game of the week (of course involving Adam again) was this time decided by over 20 points.  The Llamas were facing an undefeated Redskins team but collectively they decided “I Won’t Back Down”.  MTRGA got off to a blazing start with Aaron Rodgers throwing for 4 TDs on Thursday night, but Ezekeiel Elliot was seen before the game, gathering his fellow Llamas in a pre-game herd saying “I don’t care how many points Rodgers scored.  You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I won’t back down!”  After the game, top scorer Russell Wilson was asked how the Llamas were able to pull out the win after the hot start from an undefeated foe. Wilson replied “Hey, baby, there ain’t no easy way out.  I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down.  Gonna stand my ground.”  MTRGA were heartbroken after the loss.

Week 3 Recap

Apologies for missing last week’s recap.  I had a family crisis to deal with and by the time that was past we were already into week 3.

It’s probably just as well that I missed last week because it was basically a repeat of week one.

  • Four games matched week 1 winners against week 1losers, and all four of those
    Yogi Berra compared week 2 to week 1

    games came out with the week 1 winner victorious again. Only when two week 1 winners or losers played each other did we get a new result.

  • The weekly high score went to Matt…again
    • and it wasn’t close…again
    • and he was facing the lowest scoring team…again
  • The second highest scorer was Jason…again.
  • Adam won by the slimmest margin…again

So finally in week 3 we started seeing some changes.  First of all we finally started seeing some big games from players.  The first two weeks seemed particularly devoid of many studly performances but this week finally started seeing more 20+ point games, and even a couple 40+ point outbursts.  Overall scoring for the league is up about 5 points per team for the 2nd straight week (125.5-130.8-135.7).   Three teams got either their first loss or their first victory.

While scoring overall is up, Matt has finally started to come back to the pack.  Yet somehow, he got matched up against the lowest scoring team in the league for the third week in a row.  (Sorry Anand, but it looks like you’re team is f****d since you play him this week.) but a least this time, someone other than Matt was able to win the week.  And best of all, that someone was me.



McCaffeinated 153.32, pUSHing Chains 75.32

So for the third week in a row, McCafe’ claims the blowout of the week by virtue of playing the lowest scoring team.  Maybe he’s found a way to play to actually play defense

Beckham peeing mccafe
The rest of the team didn’t show up, but Odell Beckham Jr. really gave it to McCafe

against his opponent’s players, because whoever plays Matt just can’t score against him. After scoring enough to notch victories the first two weeks, pUSHing Chains just fell apart. Odell Beckham Jr. finally showed up with the highest score of any player in the game for the Chain Gang, and Golden Tate was solid, but everyone else just sucked. No one else scored even 8 points and five of them were below 4 points.  The vaunted Seahawk Defense got negative points.  At Home.  Against the Titans.  Derek Carr and Michael Crabtree got stonewalled by the Redskins, of all teams.   You can take three players from McCafe (Dak Prescott, Antonio Brown and Rob Gronkowski and they scored enough to win the game on their own. Then you can take the other 7 players from McCafe and they also scored enough to win the game on their own.


Plan XVII 154.5, Fly Eagles Fly 135.48

Previously winless Plan XVII earned their first win of the season and delivered the first loss of the season to the Eagles.  Todd Gurley exploded for nearly 38 points on Thursday to put the Eagles on top, but the rest of the team fell flat and the 17ers pulled away on Sunday.  Doug Baldwin and Drew Brees led the way for Plan 17.

Fournettecation 118.72, Magic Mike Evans 80.18

Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good. When you’re the 3rd worst scoring team, the best you can hope for is to play the 2nd worst team (It appears the worst scoring team will always be playing Matt, so that’s not an option).  Fournettecation stole a win in just this way by facing a reeling Magic Mike Evans team. Fournettecation got a couple nice games from WRs Jordy Nelson and Chris Hogan, but the rest of team underwhelmed or worse (I mean, come on.  Jay Ajayi could only manage 4.5 points against a Jets team that had just given up 180 yards rushing and 3 TDs to Raiders runners?)  But that was more than enough as No Magic Mike player could top 15 points and 6 failed to reach single digits.  Sitting Demarco Murray and his 19 points didn’t help matters either.  But that’s understandable, because apparently Magic Men and people named Murray don’t get along well:



Llamageddon 174.62, Breaking Bad 161.76

After two tough-luck losses, Breaking Bad seemed to turn things around with a big performance in week 3. But yet again, things broke bad for them as they were playing against the only team in the league to outscore them.  Walter White’s crew got off to a hot start with big games from both Carlos Hyde and Pierre Garcon on Thursday Night.   Dalvin Cook threw in another big game to keep things rolling on Sunday.  But the Llamas got a huge outburst from Russell Wilson and big games from AJ Green, Christian McCaffery, and Devante Parker to chip away at the lead.   It wasn’t until the 2nd half of the Monday Night game that Ezekiel Elliot finally put the Llamas on top for good, to pull out the victory and seal the top score for the week.

Game of the Week
Make the Redskins Great Again 157.42, McCownasty 145.72

For the third straight week, MtRGA was involved in the closest game of the week, and for the third straight week, they emerged victorious, this time delivering a third straight loss to the defending champions.  Sammy Watkins got things started Great for the Redskins with a two TD breakout on Thursday.  Then TY Hilton and Devonta Freeman kept things rolling over the weekend.  But late on Sunday, Tom Terrific and Brandin Cooks blew up for7 combined TDS and over 77 points to push McCownasty into a big lead.  But then the Redskins chipped away at that lead.  Larry Fitzgerald gave MtRGA the lead on monday night, but the woes of the Arizona defense actually swung the lead back to the Nasty Boyz for a while.  But eventualy Fitzgerald was too much and MtRGA retook the lead for good.

Interesting Factoid that Probably Really Pisses Terry Off

With 406.88 points, Terry currently has the 4th most points in the league.  Adam is 1.8 points behind him with 405.08 total points.  Yet Terry is 0-3, losing all three games by about 40 points combined, while Adam is undefeated at 3-0, having outscored his opponents by less than 18 points combined.

2017 Season Gets Kicked in the Johnson

2017 Season Gets Kicked in the Johnson

Pictured: Simba and Anand just want the King to get up

Football is back, bigger and better than ever.  With four new teams it’s a whole new world for our league.  That may have been a bad idea for us hold-overs as the only new player to not win their first game was when two new teams played each other.  Time will tell how things shake out, but was a rather inauspicious start for the old guard.

With new roster alignment we’ll get new scoring trends and averages, but overall this seemed like a pretty low scoring week (for 9 of us).  After a few weeks we should have a better sense for what is normal.

With all the new teams, it may be tough for me to keep up with these writeups or they may come later in the week.

Game Recaps:
McCaffeinated 205.02, Magic Mike Evans 78.90

It’s probably a bad sign when your number 1 pick – the player you decide to name your team after – is out of the game due to a hurricane.  After that, things only got worse for Magic Mike Evans.  They would have been better off starting a QB who was off for the

Marvin Lewis Pleading with Ref
“C’mon man! You gotta help me out.  I’ve got Andy Dalton as my QB!”

hurricane than Andy Dalton.  “Bad Andy” showed up this week putting up the first negative score of the year in what ESPN says is the 3rd worst QB performance in the history of their QBR rating (back to 2006). Early picks Demarco Murray and Isaiah Crowell disappointed as well.  But it really didn’t matter how well the Magic Men played because they were facing a juggernaut.  McCaffeinated started with over 45 points from rookie Kareem Hunt, then continued to pour on points all weekend to claim the first weekly high score. In addition Hunt, they had the top two scoring WRs and tied for the top Defense in the league.  The margin of victory in this game was more than all but 3 other teams scored in total.


pUSHing Chains 112.94, McCownasty 99.78

After basking in the glory of last year’s championship all off-season, McCownasty met the harsh reality of 2017 as soon as the season started.  Early picks Tom Brady and Brandin Cooks laid an egg on the Thursday night opener, but with the return of 2016’s top player David Johnson, things still seemed manageable, right?  Johnson was fairly pedestrian for most of his game, but he’s had so many big 4th quarters it still seemed like things would still be ok when he caught a 24 yard pass near the goal line.  But then he didn’t get up.  With a wrist injury sending him for at least 8 weeks and returning “hopefully by… Christmas”, things suddenly look dire for the returning champs.  It doesn’t help that Several other starters (Joe Mixon, Tyler Eifert, Kelvin Benjamin) also stunk up the joint.  pUSHing Chains had a nice solid outing from several starters, and combined with the poor showing from McCownasty, it was enough to pull out the win, despite starting Fat Eddie Lacy and his 3 yards instead of Mike Gillislee and his 3 TDs.

Fournettecation 133.54, Breaking Bad 127.14

Autopick strikes again. Last year, several autopick selections led Anand’s team to the championship.  This year, at least for 1 week, the autopick selection of Leonard Fournette worked out as well as the rookie piled up carries against the hapless Texans.  But the real team MVP may have been Hurricane Irma, which took out planned starter Jameis Winston allowing replacement pickup Sam Bradford to lead Fournettecation with over 30 points. Tyrell Williams scored just enough in the late Monday game to pull out the close-fought victory. Breaking Bad got balanced but unspectacular scoring led by LeSean McCoy.

Fly Eagles Fly 135.44, Llamageddon 133.42

The runner up (a.k.a. first loser) the last two years, Fly Eagles Fly started the year off right by beating Llamageddon in an extremely close match.  The Eagles were led by their eponymous defense, and got a big game from Todd Gurley as well to jump out to a Allen Robinson Hurtbig early lead.  The Llamas had balanced scoring but with no player topping 20 points they fell 2 points short of making up the difference.In what is probably a blessing in disguise, the Eagles have been relieved of having to watch Allen Robinson attempt to catch the “passes” thrown by Blake Bortles thanks to an ACL injury to the WR.

Game of the Week
Make the Racial Slurs Great Again 115.34, Plan XVII 113.72

MRGA really doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, but I guess it’s better than McCownasty so we’ll roll with it. The Fantasy Redskins fared far better than the NFL Redskins this week as they squeaked out the closest victory of the week.  Aaron Rodgers led the way with only 18.54 points, and Mark Ingram piled on a few garbage time catches to build up just enough of a lead to hold off the Seventeeners.  french surrenderPlan XVII lived up to the heritage of their namesake – French military strategy – as they open the season with a surrender loss. Plan 17 had the high scorer of the game with Adam Thielen’s big monday night performance, but Frank Gore, LeVeon Bell, Greg Olsen, and the Vikings defense all stunk.   Keenan Allen tried to make the miracle late Monday comeback but fell just short.

Questionable Move of the Week

With the results of the first week, I’m tempted to say it’s the 6 holdover owners for letting all the new guys in so they could win the league, Fat Eddiebut this one has to go to Dmitry for benching Mike Gillislee. It’s bad enough that the 3rd highest scoring RB in the league and his 22+ points were left on the bench, but the fact that it was to put Fat Eddie Lacy into the lineup is definitely….questionable.



Week 16: Worst to First – Fitzchize Wins Championship

Week 16: Worst to First – Fitzchize Wins Championship

Pictured:  Jordy Nelson and David Johnson celebrate the first championship for Fitzchize

Fitzchize continued its late season domination with their seventh straight week of over 197 points and 5th win in the last six weeks to complete their Worst-to-First journey with a resounding win in the championship game.  David Johnson and Jordy Nelson turned in superstar performances while Dez Bryant, Tom Brady and Matt Ryan also had good performances to put away the slumping Eagles.

Fly Eagles fly continued their late season swoon by posting the lowest score in the league in the game that counted the most.  LeSean McCoy, Mike Evans and Jamies Winston had respectable games, but the rest of the team fell flat.  This was the fourth straight week that the Eagles put up less than 170 points.

The Fitzchize Trophy
The Fitzchize Trophy

After finishing in last place for the past two years, Fitzchize bounced back in a big way this season.   After winning a 8 games over the past two seasons combined, Fitzchize responded with 11 wins this year (counting the championship victory).  They displayed incredible consistency throughout the year, with only two scores (weeks 7 and 9) below 195 points.  The next closest team in that category was the Killer Rabbits with 5 weeks below 195.

This week also made official the Fitzchise victory in total points, giving them a clean sweep of the major awards.  The Rabbit Killers had a huge week to solidify their hold on 2nd place and claim the final weekly prize of the season.


Final Accounting

Anand:  5 weekly wins($50), Championship  (110), 1st in total points (75) – 75 entry fee = +160

Jason: 3 weekly wins (30), Runner up (75) – 75 entry fee =+30

Terry: 2 weekly wins (20), 2nd in total points (30) – 75 fee = -25

Chris: 5 weekly wins (50) – 75 fee = -25

Doug: 1 weekly win (10) – 75 fee = -65

Dmitry: -75 fee

I suggest Doug and Dmitry pay their dues to Anand.  Terry can pay his to Jason, and I’ll split mine 20 to Anand and 5 to Jason.