Week 3: Wascawy Wabbits Befuddle Fudd

Week 3: Wascawy Wabbits Befuddle Fudd

It’s because of times like this that I set up this site.  I just can’t let an opportunity like this go by and there’s no way I could have done it justice the old way.

This week fall officially arrived.  Football is in full swing. The air is finally a little cooler and the humidity just a little lower (except when it’s raining).  The stores are filled with orange and yellow decorations. The Pumpkin Spice Latte has returned to Starbucks.  Yes, it’s Pumkin Spice Season.  There’s PumpkiPumpkin Spice Everythingn Spice Jello, Pumpkin Spice Beer, Pumpkin Spice Gum, Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows, even Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn.  Let’s just think about that last one.  We’re going to take something that is already associated with fall and comes in fall colors and has an odd taste and make it even more autumnesqe by making it more orange and yellow and making the taste more odd by pumpkin-izing it? Hey, I love me some cinnamon and nutmeg as much as anyone, but it’s gone too far! Pumpkin Spice everything has returned, and it must be stopped!

But I digress.

Fall is also the time for hunting season.  Intrepid warriors venture out of their comfortable homes into the wilderness with their high-powered weapons to slay the savage beasts of the land.

Be vewy, vewy quiet
Be vewy, vewy quiet

Vicious beasts like pigeons, ducks and… rabbits. Even Killer Rabbits need to be on the lookout. So be vewy vewy qui-i-i-et, because Tewwy Thomas was hunting wabbits this week.  Heh heh heh heh heh.

Seeing that he was facing the Killer Rabbits this week, Terry took it upon himself to rename his team after perhaps the most well known, famous “wabbit” hunter of all time, Elmer Fudd.this-means-war

Of course you realize, this means war.

I believe I saw Terry walking down the hallway on Thursday mumbling under his breath “”Kiww the wabbit! Kiww the WABBBIT!”  So I quickly had my team picture changed to include a sign showing it was “Duck Season”. Would that be enough to fool our intrepid hunter, Elmer?  I think we all know the answer to that.  Mr. Fudd is the most famous wabbit hunter.  Famously inept that is.  What a maroon!

Scores keep dropping like...
Overall scoring keeps falling each week like…

Anyway, overall scoring dropped a few more points this week.   Our average is down about 7 points from last week and 20 points from week 1. You could say scores have been  dropping like an anvil.  It doesn’t help that about half of the 30+point scorers league-wide this week were either on someone’s bench or on the waiver wire. The Rabbits continued their Jekyll and Hyde year going from weekly finishes of first to last and now back to first again. The biggest culprit in the overall scoring decline this week was Doug who,

It's been a Jekyll and Hyde year so far for the Rabbits
It’s been a Jekyll and Hyde year so far for the Rabbits

like me last week, went from first place to dead last. Perhaps he’ll bounce back in the same Jekyll and Hyde way. (Were Poe and R. L. Stevenson contemporaries?) Dmitry is the only one who has increased his score each week. His current trajectory should have him scoring about 300 points per game by midseason.

On to the recap of this week’s games.

Wascawy Wabbits 223.04, Elmer Fudd 168.14

Viking wide receiver Stefon Diggs had a poor performance including this missed opportunity
Elmer Fudd/Viking WR Stefon Diggs had a poor performance including this pass thrown over the head of the realtively small receiver

After 2000 years of research, Marvin “The Martian” Jones has apparently perfected his Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator, because he absolutely blew up this week for the Rabbits.  Two touchdowns and over 200 yards receiving made him the high scorer in the league. Christine Michael had a breakout game as well to keep things close through Sunday Afternoon.   Elmer Fudd got decent performances from Demarco Murray and Jarvis Landry, but poor games from Ben Roethlisberger, Martellus

The hunter became the hunted
By Monday night, the tables had turned.

Bennett, Randall Cobb and Stefon Diggs left Elmer with no ammunition left by Sunday night. Ezekiel Elliot pulled the Rabbits close on Sunday night, and then on Monday Drew Brees and Mark Ingram combined to turn the tables on Fudd even with Brandin Cooks and Julio Jones held in check. The loss leaves Fudd winless through three games.

 

Fitzchize 204.84, Fly Eagles Fly 173.80

Carlos Hyde was a monster for Fitzchize this week
Fitzchize’s Carlos Hyde had a MONSTER week

With two players scoring zero points (Delanie Walker, Kelvin Benjamin) and 5 others failing to hit double digits, the previously high-flying Eagles looked more like Daffy Duck in this lopsided battle of unbeatens. In fact, both teams started a player who was inactive (Eagles’ Walker, Fitzchize’s Donte Moncrief), but strong games from Jordy Nelson and Carlos Hyde were more than enough against the lackluster Eagles performance.  With the win,  Fitzchize who didn’t win a game until week 6 last year,  is now undefeated and in sole possession of first place, while the Eagles take over first place in the total points race.  Interestingly, Fitzchize is 3-0 having scored less points (610.18 vs 618.40) through 3 games than last year’s 0-3 start.

pUSHing Chains 183.66, The Edgars 152.88

Carson Palmer must have taken a wrong turn in Albuquerque because he didn't show up in Buffalo on Sunday
Carson Palmer must have taken a wrong turn in Albuquerque because he certainly didn’t show up in Buffalo on Sunday

When pUSHing Chains QB Carson Palmer headed from Arizona to Buffalo this weekend, he apparently shoulda taken that left toyn at Alba-quoy-key, because he was essentially a no show against the Bills. But even with Palmer’s bad day and a zero-point tease appearance by Rob Gronkowski, the Chain Gang had more than enough to win.  The Edgars had outstanding performances by Aaron Rodgers and Doug Baldwin, but the rest of the team fell flat with only 3 other players topping even 10 points. The Edgars seem to have nodded, nearly nappin’, so someone should have come a-tappin’, gently rappin’ at their chamber door to wake them up for this contest. Just watch the Looney Tunes, Edgar style:

 

So, it’s been fun putting this together this week.  Hope you enjoyed it. And there’s no other way to end it but…

Th- Th- Th- Th- That’s All Folks!

Th-th-th-th-that's all folks!
I dare you to try not to hear the music in your head.

Week 2: Edgars and Eagles

Week 2:  Edgars and Eagles

It’s Week 2. The newness has worn off, teams start making adjustments, we all start overreacting to what happened week 1 and scoring goes down.  That’s just how it goes, right? There’s a lot of factors that can go into it.  So I started looking into why scoring might have gone down so much.  Only two

I suck
I suck

teams broke 200 points this week whereas 4 did last week.  Three fewer players scored over 30 points, and no one topped 40.  The average output per team went down by an average of over 13 points.  But really, when I got looking closer, the full extent of the drop in scoring can bet attributed to one thing.  Me.  From week 1 to week 2, league scoring dropped 78 points.  From week 1 to week 2, my scoring dropped nearly 83 points.  Its’ all my fault.  Y’all just kept doin what you were doing.

Caerbannog Killer Rabbits 150.82, Fitzchise 196.32

The only starters for the Rabbits who weren’t outscored by at least two different bench players at the same position were Julio Jones, and the guys at positions where I don’t have anyone on the bench.  Meanwhile, Fitzchise keeps plugging along to their 2nd win.   Matt Ryan had a 2nd huge game, and I think it’s worth mentioning that autopicks Justin Tucker and the Bronco Defense scored 15 and 23 points each.  Just think how good this team could have been if Anand had let the autopick draft his whole team!

Fly Eagles Fly 222.96, pUSHing Chains 165.58

For the second straight week the Eagles cruised to a comfortable win.  This also marks the 2nd week they finished just short of a weekly overall win.  Kelvin Benjamin and the Arizona Defense picked up the slack in a week when Antonio Brown was surprisingly lackluster.  Blake Bortles led the way for the Chain Gang

The Edgars 229.94, Creamed Potatoes 183.38

Maybe the headline for this one should be Poes cream the ‘Toes.   For the second week in a row, the Edgars ran out to an early lead on Thursday.  This time it was Matt Forte and Eric Decker leading the early charge.  Unlike last week, the Edgars held on.  The Potatoes got whipped as Cam Newton and Travis Benjamin had huge games.  A breakout prime time game by former Terp Stefon Diggs wasn’t nearly enough for the Potatoes to even threaten the Edgars’ lead.  The Edgars held on for the weekly win and lead in overall points so far this year.

 

 

Week 1: Defending Champs Kick Season Off Right

Week 1:  Defending Champs Kick Season Off Right

Pictured: Chris Barker of the defending champion Caerbannog Killer Rabbits (Formerly: Yukon Gold) brings last season’s championship trophy onto the field during festivities before the season opener.

A crisp autumn breeze was in the air this weekend, and with it, our league has started another Fantastical season of Footballing. It seems wrong starting a season of football without either Peyton Manning or Tom Brady on the field. Especially Brady.  I mean, how can we play football without Tom Terrific out there?  Who will be crying to the refs for flags when nobody touches him.  Or kicking safeties in the nuts while he slides with no penalty?  It just seems… empty. It’s sort of a… deflated feeling (You had to know I’d get at least one in there)   Wait a minute, no it isn’t. It’s WICKED AWESOME!   Hopefully Brady can somehow violate the terms of his suspension and be kept out even longer, so we’re not subjected to any Jim Nantz slurp jobs for a few extra weeks.

As for our league, while the players on each team are all new, in many ways the season picked up where it left off last year.  The Eagles and the newly renamed Killer Rabbits put up the top two scores of the week and both came away with wins. However, not everything is the same: Anand got his first win 5 weeks earlier than last year.

Fitzchize 210.02, pUSHing Chains 138.38

The chain gang got off to a rough start to their first year in the league.  It was a bad sign when star TE Rob Gronkowski suddenly showed up on the injury list.  But the pUSHers were ready with last year’s darling TE Gary Barnidge.  They may as well have started Gronk because Barnidge put up the same score.  Disappointing games from several top players put them even farther behind the curve.  Dez Bryant was  a no-show for Fitzchize, but they were able to ride a monster game from Andrew Luck and a nice output from Larry Fitzgerald to coast to the comfortable win.

Fly Eagles Fly 228.58, Mashed Potatoes 191.74

The Eagles and Potatoes played a tight, back and forth contests throughout the weekend and both had several players going Monday night. The Eagles had

Kevin Durant realizes Washington is going to suck this year, just like all the other years
Kevin Durant quickly realizes Washington is going to suck this year, just like all the other years

Antonio Brown and DeAngelo Williams while the Taters countered with Todd Gurley, and DeSean Jackon and a slight lead.  But what looked like it could be a down-to-the-wire affair turned into a lopsided win as Gurley was a non-factor while Brown and Williams each put up over 30 points to Mash the Potatoes, just as they mashed the Washington Football Team.

Game of the Week
Caerbannog Killer Rabbits 233.62, The Edgars 223.82

The Edgars pulled out to a huge early lead behind Cam Newton and CJ Anderson. But the Rabbits hopped back into contention early on Sunday behind huge games from Drew Brees, AJ Green, and Brandin Cooks.  The Killer Rabbits built a sizeable lead late Sunday afternoon as Matthew Stafford found himself in a shootout, but the Edgars slowly started crawling back into contention during the prime time games.  A quick start from Jordan Reed made it look like the comeback was a real possibility early on Monday, but the effort fell short as the Redskins’ ineptitude came to the forefront.  The 233 points was enough to hold off the Eagles for the first weekly win of the season.

Player of the Week and Bad Move Benching of the Week

So this is where I would usually highlight a top player and a high scoring bench player, but now i see the site has some sponsored “Trophies” for the Top player (Andrew Luck), the Snickers Hungriest Bench player (Jamies Winston, languishing on Jason’s bench), and my favorite… the Bucket Trophy for leaving the most total points on your bench (Terry with Willie Snead, Theo Riddick, Big Ben, Ameer Abdullah….).

I’ll have to think about what I want to do here now that the site is stealing my thunder.

 

Oh, and it’s good to see the image of Tony Romo getting pummeled into the ground is just as appropriate this year as it was before!