Week 3: Wascawy Wabbits Befuddle Fudd

Week 3: Wascawy Wabbits Befuddle Fudd

It’s because of times like this that I set up this site.  I just can’t let an opportunity like this go by and there’s no way I could have done it justice the old way.

This week fall officially arrived.  Football is in full swing. The air is finally a little cooler and the humidity just a little lower (except when it’s raining).  The stores are filled with orange and yellow decorations. The Pumpkin Spice Latte has returned to Starbucks.  Yes, it’s Pumkin Spice Season.  There’s PumpkiPumpkin Spice Everythingn Spice Jello, Pumpkin Spice Beer, Pumpkin Spice Gum, Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows, even Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn.  Let’s just think about that last one.  We’re going to take something that is already associated with fall and comes in fall colors and has an odd taste and make it even more autumnesqe by making it more orange and yellow and making the taste more odd by pumpkin-izing it? Hey, I love me some cinnamon and nutmeg as much as anyone, but it’s gone too far! Pumpkin Spice everything has returned, and it must be stopped!

But I digress.

Fall is also the time for hunting season.  Intrepid warriors venture out of their comfortable homes into the wilderness with their high-powered weapons to slay the savage beasts of the land.

Be vewy, vewy quiet
Be vewy, vewy quiet

Vicious beasts like pigeons, ducks and… rabbits. Even Killer Rabbits need to be on the lookout. So be vewy vewy qui-i-i-et, because Tewwy Thomas was hunting wabbits this week.  Heh heh heh heh heh.

Seeing that he was facing the Killer Rabbits this week, Terry took it upon himself to rename his team after perhaps the most well known, famous “wabbit” hunter of all time, Elmer Fudd.this-means-war

Of course you realize, this means war.

I believe I saw Terry walking down the hallway on Thursday mumbling under his breath “”Kiww the wabbit! Kiww the WABBBIT!”  So I quickly had my team picture changed to include a sign showing it was “Duck Season”. Would that be enough to fool our intrepid hunter, Elmer?  I think we all know the answer to that.  Mr. Fudd is the most famous wabbit hunter.  Famously inept that is.  What a maroon!

Scores keep dropping like...
Overall scoring keeps falling each week like…

Anyway, overall scoring dropped a few more points this week.   Our average is down about 7 points from last week and 20 points from week 1. You could say scores have been  dropping like an anvil.  It doesn’t help that about half of the 30+point scorers league-wide this week were either on someone’s bench or on the waiver wire. The Rabbits continued their Jekyll and Hyde year going from weekly finishes of first to last and now back to first again. The biggest culprit in the overall scoring decline this week was Doug who,

It's been a Jekyll and Hyde year so far for the Rabbits
It’s been a Jekyll and Hyde year so far for the Rabbits

like me last week, went from first place to dead last. Perhaps he’ll bounce back in the same Jekyll and Hyde way. (Were Poe and R. L. Stevenson contemporaries?) Dmitry is the only one who has increased his score each week. His current trajectory should have him scoring about 300 points per game by midseason.

On to the recap of this week’s games.

Wascawy Wabbits 223.04, Elmer Fudd 168.14

Viking wide receiver Stefon Diggs had a poor performance including this missed opportunity
Elmer Fudd/Viking WR Stefon Diggs had a poor performance including this pass thrown over the head of the realtively small receiver

After 2000 years of research, Marvin “The Martian” Jones has apparently perfected his Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator, because he absolutely blew up this week for the Rabbits.  Two touchdowns and over 200 yards receiving made him the high scorer in the league. Christine Michael had a breakout game as well to keep things close through Sunday Afternoon.   Elmer Fudd got decent performances from Demarco Murray and Jarvis Landry, but poor games from Ben Roethlisberger, Martellus

The hunter became the hunted
By Monday night, the tables had turned.

Bennett, Randall Cobb and Stefon Diggs left Elmer with no ammunition left by Sunday night. Ezekiel Elliot pulled the Rabbits close on Sunday night, and then on Monday Drew Brees and Mark Ingram combined to turn the tables on Fudd even with Brandin Cooks and Julio Jones held in check. The loss leaves Fudd winless through three games.

 

Fitzchize 204.84, Fly Eagles Fly 173.80

Carlos Hyde was a monster for Fitzchize this week
Fitzchize’s Carlos Hyde had a MONSTER week

With two players scoring zero points (Delanie Walker, Kelvin Benjamin) and 5 others failing to hit double digits, the previously high-flying Eagles looked more like Daffy Duck in this lopsided battle of unbeatens. In fact, both teams started a player who was inactive (Eagles’ Walker, Fitzchize’s Donte Moncrief), but strong games from Jordy Nelson and Carlos Hyde were more than enough against the lackluster Eagles performance.  With the win,  Fitzchize who didn’t win a game until week 6 last year,  is now undefeated and in sole possession of first place, while the Eagles take over first place in the total points race.  Interestingly, Fitzchize is 3-0 having scored less points (610.18 vs 618.40) through 3 games than last year’s 0-3 start.

pUSHing Chains 183.66, The Edgars 152.88

Carson Palmer must have taken a wrong turn in Albuquerque because he didn't show up in Buffalo on Sunday
Carson Palmer must have taken a wrong turn in Albuquerque because he certainly didn’t show up in Buffalo on Sunday

When pUSHing Chains QB Carson Palmer headed from Arizona to Buffalo this weekend, he apparently shoulda taken that left toyn at Alba-quoy-key, because he was essentially a no show against the Bills. But even with Palmer’s bad day and a zero-point tease appearance by Rob Gronkowski, the Chain Gang had more than enough to win.  The Edgars had outstanding performances by Aaron Rodgers and Doug Baldwin, but the rest of the team fell flat with only 3 other players topping even 10 points. The Edgars seem to have nodded, nearly nappin’, so someone should have come a-tappin’, gently rappin’ at their chamber door to wake them up for this contest. Just watch the Looney Tunes, Edgar style:

 

So, it’s been fun putting this together this week.  Hope you enjoyed it. And there’s no other way to end it but…

Th- Th- Th- Th- That’s All Folks!

Th-th-th-th-that's all folks!
I dare you to try not to hear the music in your head.
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