Week 6: Bunny 2, Fudd 0

Week 6:  Bunny 2, Fudd 0

So last week the standings were a nice normal distribution. Just one week later we have a completely different look:  three teams at 4-2 and three teams at 2-4.  With only a 2 game gap between first and last place, everyone is still very much in the race for the championship game.

pUSHing Chains 173.80, The Edgars 130.42

The Edgars may be looking at a shakeup in their coaching staff. A starting lineup of QBs Cam Newton and Trevor Seimian, RBs Jamaal Charles, Isaiah Crowell and Matt Jones, and WRs Mike Wallace, Brian Quick, Doug Baldwin and Michael Thomas would have scored more points than the starting lineup of the Edgars this week (and that’s with no kicker or defense). What does that cast of characters have in common?  Every single one of them was on the bench for the Edgars.  Gronk has finally started to be Gronk again for the Chain gang which should help them going forward.

Caerbannog Killer Rabbits 244.20, Elmer Fudd 173.26

Elmer came up limp against the wabbits again.
Elmer came up limp against the wabbits again.

The story is always the same…Elmer Fudd hunts for rabbit.  Elmer Fudd is outplayed by rabbit.   The Rabbits got over 40 points from Drew Brees and more than 30 points from Matt Stafford and Brandin Cooks.  Julio Jones and Christine Michael also pitched in with decent performances.  For the Fudds, only Odell Beckham Jr’s evisceration of the Ravens secondary stood out for the Fudds. No other player was able to top 20 points.  The Rabbits had the overall high score for the week, as they have in all four of their wins.

 

Game of the Week
Fly Eagles Fly 211.92, Fitzchize 198.54

Monday night earned a facepalm from the Fitzchize
Even the Fitzchize was embarrassed by that Monday night performance

The closest game of the week pitted the top two teams in the league against each other.  The Eagles jumped out to a lead on Sunday afternoon behind big games from LeSean McCoy and Marcus Mariota, but Fitzchize stormed back as Tom Brady, Matt Ryan and the unstoppable force that is Cole Beasley had big games as well.  Lamar Miller pushed the Eagles back ahead on Sunday night.  Fitzchize RB David Johnson made a valiant effort at a comeback on Monday Night, but ultimately the effort fell short as the Eagles’ Arizona Defense hounded Fitzchize mascot Ryan Fitzpatrick (and last year’s mascot Geno Smith) just enough to provide the 13 point margin of victory.

 

 

Week 5: The Return of Angry Brady

Week 5:  The Return of Angry Brady

Pictured:  Fitzchize QB Tom Brady returned from suspension and took out his frustration by putting a beatdown on the Edgars.

We finally got a week where scoring exceeded the week 1 totals.  The average score per team this week would have comfortably earned 2nd place in week 3.  The scoring rebound is a little surprising when you consider that not only was this the first week with more than 2 teams on bye, but also that high powered offenses like New Orleans, Seattle and Jacksonville were among the idle teams.

After 5 weeks, each team has played every other team once, and we have a nice normal distribution among the records:  1 team with one loss, 2 with two losses, 2 with three losses, and 1 with four.

Fitchize finally added some variance to their score.  Prior to this week, every Fitzchize score had been within a 15 point band.  With the return of Tom Brady leading the way, they finally broke out for a big 238 point game, to solidify their hold on the top spot in the league. The only team whose score dropped compared to last week was the Rabbits.

Fitzchize 238.02, The Edgars 164.66

I don’t think I’ve mentioned yet how awkward and unnatural it is to type the name “Fitzchize.”  I can never get it right the first time. I miss letters, try to end it with “…ise” or just generally bollocks it up.  Kudos for constantly messing me up with that one.  Anyway, so Angry Brady is back and kicking ass (at least against Cleveland), but Larry Fitzgerald (perhaps he’s the real Fitzchize!) also blew up for a huge game.  The Edgars didn’t help themselves by starting an injured QB who wasn’t playing, but hey, at least Cam Newton didn’t get negative points like the Edgars’ kicker did the week before.

Fly Eagles Fly 245.28, Caerbannog Killer Rabbits 197.06

eagle killing rabbit
Eagle vs. Rabbit ends about how you might expect

After two down weeks the Eagles were back on the hunt.  And rabbits don’t stand much of a chance against a hungry Eagle.  Marcus Friggin’ Mariota outscored his previous 3 weeks combined to be the top scorer for the Eagles, and T.Y. Hilton put  up great numbers as well.  The Rabbits got similarly big games from Philip Rivers and Ezekiel Elliot.  The Rabbits had seven players on bye, but the biggest problem was lackluster performances from both A.J. Green and Julio Jones, making it difficult to keep pace with the Eagles who put up the top score of the week.

Elmer Fudd 230.28, pUSHing Chains 195.42

Elmer Fudd and the Chain gang stayed neck-and-neck all afternoon on Sunday, with the lead going back and forth and neither team gaining more than about a 20 point lead at any time. However,the Fuddsters still had a couple prime-time players left an were finally able to finally pull away.  Ben Roethlisberger and Martellus Bennett were the top scorers for the Elmers, making up for poor showings by Jarvis Landry and kicker Graham Gano. The Chain pUSHers brought a more balanced attack and were actually led in scoring by ageless kicker Adam Vinatieri.

Week 4: Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard

Week 4: Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard

It’s a good thing I like Paul Simon.

About the only thing Jones couldn't do was block this Spud Webb dunk attempt in the video
About the only thing Julio couldn’t do was block this Spud Webb dunk in the video

Ever since I saw the stat line with Julio Jones putting up 300 yards I’ve had this song stuck in my head.  Damn catchy tune, too (as are most of Simon’s work).  The video, made when Simon was releasing a greatest hits compilation, looks so very, very 1980s.  It has cameos from Big Daddy Kane, Biz Markie, Spud Webb, Mickey Mantle(!) and John Madden. Check out the video above. I’m still trying to figure out what he (the “Me” in the song) did that was against the law.  Either way, I’m pretty sure what Jones and Matt Ryan did to the Panthers is illegal in several states.

Caerbannog Killer Rabbits 248.66, pUSHing Chains 151.28

A.J. Green got things going for the Rabbits with a big 33 point game on Thursday, then the aforementioned Jones led all scorers with his 48 point outburst to blow things open on Sunday.  Alex Smith, Dak Prescott and Demaryius Thomas had nice games for the Chain Gang, but it wasn’t enough to keep up with the star-power of the Rabbits, who took the top weekly prize for the third time in 4 weeks.

The Edgars 158.12. Fly Eagles Fly 151.42

The Eagles were grounded for the second straight week as the Edgars pulled out a win in the closest contest of the season so far.  The Edgars benefited from a breakout game by TE Jordan Reed and decent scores from Emmanual Sanders and Frank Gore.  The Eagles were led by Antonio Brown and LeSean McCoy, but nobody else was able to have a major impact.  The Eagles got a complete dud from star WR DeAndre Hopkins, and I think Edgars K Stephen Gostkowski earned the first negative score by a starter this season in a game to forget for both teams.

Game of the Week
Elmer Fudd 214.66, Fitzchize 202.48

Matty Ice Ice Baby
Be thankful I focused on a song about Julio Jones instead of Matt Ryan!

Elmer Fudd, the last winless team in the league took down the Fitzchize, the final unbeaten team, in a close contest. Fitzchise QB Matt “Matty Ice” Ryan rode Julio’s coattails to a huge 43.52 point game, but he wasn’t even the highest scoring QB in this game!  Fudd QB Ben Roethlisberger put up even more points on Sunday as he eviscerated the Chiefs.  Poor Monday night performances by Odell Beckham Jr. and Stefon Diggs kept the score close but Fudd eventually pulled away for their first win of the year.