Week 5: The Return of Angry Brady

Week 5:  The Return of Angry Brady

Pictured:  Fitzchize QB Tom Brady returned from suspension and took out his frustration by putting a beatdown on the Edgars.

We finally got a week where scoring exceeded the week 1 totals.  The average score per team this week would have comfortably earned 2nd place in week 3.  The scoring rebound is a little surprising when you consider that not only was this the first week with more than 2 teams on bye, but also that high powered offenses like New Orleans, Seattle and Jacksonville were among the idle teams.

After 5 weeks, each team has played every other team once, and we have a nice normal distribution among the records:  1 team with one loss, 2 with two losses, 2 with three losses, and 1 with four.

Fitchize finally added some variance to their score.  Prior to this week, every Fitzchize score had been within a 15 point band.  With the return of Tom Brady leading the way, they finally broke out for a big 238 point game, to solidify their hold on the top spot in the league. The only team whose score dropped compared to last week was the Rabbits.

Fitzchize 238.02, The Edgars 164.66

I don’t think I’ve mentioned yet how awkward and unnatural it is to type the name “Fitzchize.”  I can never get it right the first time. I miss letters, try to end it with “…ise” or just generally bollocks it up.  Kudos for constantly messing me up with that one.  Anyway, so Angry Brady is back and kicking ass (at least against Cleveland), but Larry Fitzgerald (perhaps he’s the real Fitzchize!) also blew up for a huge game.  The Edgars didn’t help themselves by starting an injured QB who wasn’t playing, but hey, at least Cam Newton didn’t get negative points like the Edgars’ kicker did the week before.

Fly Eagles Fly 245.28, Caerbannog Killer Rabbits 197.06

eagle killing rabbit
Eagle vs. Rabbit ends about how you might expect

After two down weeks the Eagles were back on the hunt.  And rabbits don’t stand much of a chance against a hungry Eagle.  Marcus Friggin’ Mariota outscored his previous 3 weeks combined to be the top scorer for the Eagles, and T.Y. Hilton put  up great numbers as well.  The Rabbits got similarly big games from Philip Rivers and Ezekiel Elliot.  The Rabbits had seven players on bye, but the biggest problem was lackluster performances from both A.J. Green and Julio Jones, making it difficult to keep pace with the Eagles who put up the top score of the week.

Elmer Fudd 230.28, pUSHing Chains 195.42

Elmer Fudd and the Chain gang stayed neck-and-neck all afternoon on Sunday, with the lead going back and forth and neither team gaining more than about a 20 point lead at any time. However,the Fuddsters still had a couple prime-time players left an were finally able to finally pull away.  Ben Roethlisberger and Martellus Bennett were the top scorers for the Elmers, making up for poor showings by Jarvis Landry and kicker Graham Gano. The Chain pUSHers brought a more balanced attack and were actually led in scoring by ageless kicker Adam Vinatieri.

Week 4: Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard

Week 4: Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard

It’s a good thing I like Paul Simon.

About the only thing Jones couldn't do was block this Spud Webb dunk attempt in the video
About the only thing Julio couldn’t do was block this Spud Webb dunk in the video

Ever since I saw the stat line with Julio Jones putting up 300 yards I’ve had this song stuck in my head.  Damn catchy tune, too (as are most of Simon’s work).  The video, made when Simon was releasing a greatest hits compilation, looks so very, very 1980s.  It has cameos from Big Daddy Kane, Biz Markie, Spud Webb, Mickey Mantle(!) and John Madden. Check out the video above. I’m still trying to figure out what he (the “Me” in the song) did that was against the law.  Either way, I’m pretty sure what Jones and Matt Ryan did to the Panthers is illegal in several states.

Caerbannog Killer Rabbits 248.66, pUSHing Chains 151.28

A.J. Green got things going for the Rabbits with a big 33 point game on Thursday, then the aforementioned Jones led all scorers with his 48 point outburst to blow things open on Sunday.  Alex Smith, Dak Prescott and Demaryius Thomas had nice games for the Chain Gang, but it wasn’t enough to keep up with the star-power of the Rabbits, who took the top weekly prize for the third time in 4 weeks.

The Edgars 158.12. Fly Eagles Fly 151.42

The Eagles were grounded for the second straight week as the Edgars pulled out a win in the closest contest of the season so far.  The Edgars benefited from a breakout game by TE Jordan Reed and decent scores from Emmanual Sanders and Frank Gore.  The Eagles were led by Antonio Brown and LeSean McCoy, but nobody else was able to have a major impact.  The Eagles got a complete dud from star WR DeAndre Hopkins, and I think Edgars K Stephen Gostkowski earned the first negative score by a starter this season in a game to forget for both teams.

Game of the Week
Elmer Fudd 214.66, Fitzchize 202.48

Matty Ice Ice Baby
Be thankful I focused on a song about Julio Jones instead of Matt Ryan!

Elmer Fudd, the last winless team in the league took down the Fitzchize, the final unbeaten team, in a close contest. Fitzchise QB Matt “Matty Ice” Ryan rode Julio’s coattails to a huge 43.52 point game, but he wasn’t even the highest scoring QB in this game!  Fudd QB Ben Roethlisberger put up even more points on Sunday as he eviscerated the Chiefs.  Poor Monday night performances by Odell Beckham Jr. and Stefon Diggs kept the score close but Fudd eventually pulled away for their first win of the year.



Week 3: Wascawy Wabbits Befuddle Fudd

Week 3: Wascawy Wabbits Befuddle Fudd

It’s because of times like this that I set up this site.  I just can’t let an opportunity like this go by and there’s no way I could have done it justice the old way.

This week fall officially arrived.  Football is in full swing. The air is finally a little cooler and the humidity just a little lower (except when it’s raining).  The stores are filled with orange and yellow decorations. The Pumpkin Spice Latte has returned to Starbucks.  Yes, it’s Pumkin Spice Season.  There’s PumpkiPumpkin Spice Everythingn Spice Jello, Pumpkin Spice Beer, Pumpkin Spice Gum, Pumpkin Spice Marshmallows, even Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn.  Let’s just think about that last one.  We’re going to take something that is already associated with fall and comes in fall colors and has an odd taste and make it even more autumnesqe by making it more orange and yellow and making the taste more odd by pumpkin-izing it? Hey, I love me some cinnamon and nutmeg as much as anyone, but it’s gone too far! Pumpkin Spice everything has returned, and it must be stopped!

But I digress.

Fall is also the time for hunting season.  Intrepid warriors venture out of their comfortable homes into the wilderness with their high-powered weapons to slay the savage beasts of the land.

Be vewy, vewy quiet
Be vewy, vewy quiet

Vicious beasts like pigeons, ducks and… rabbits. Even Killer Rabbits need to be on the lookout. So be vewy vewy qui-i-i-et, because Tewwy Thomas was hunting wabbits this week.  Heh heh heh heh heh.

Seeing that he was facing the Killer Rabbits this week, Terry took it upon himself to rename his team after perhaps the most well known, famous “wabbit” hunter of all time, Elmer Fudd.this-means-war

Of course you realize, this means war.

I believe I saw Terry walking down the hallway on Thursday mumbling under his breath “”Kiww the wabbit! Kiww the WABBBIT!”  So I quickly had my team picture changed to include a sign showing it was “Duck Season”. Would that be enough to fool our intrepid hunter, Elmer?  I think we all know the answer to that.  Mr. Fudd is the most famous wabbit hunter.  Famously inept that is.  What a maroon!

Scores keep dropping like...
Overall scoring keeps falling each week like…

Anyway, overall scoring dropped a few more points this week.   Our average is down about 7 points from last week and 20 points from week 1. You could say scores have been  dropping like an anvil.  It doesn’t help that about half of the 30+point scorers league-wide this week were either on someone’s bench or on the waiver wire. The Rabbits continued their Jekyll and Hyde year going from weekly finishes of first to last and now back to first again. The biggest culprit in the overall scoring decline this week was Doug who,

It's been a Jekyll and Hyde year so far for the Rabbits
It’s been a Jekyll and Hyde year so far for the Rabbits

like me last week, went from first place to dead last. Perhaps he’ll bounce back in the same Jekyll and Hyde way. (Were Poe and R. L. Stevenson contemporaries?) Dmitry is the only one who has increased his score each week. His current trajectory should have him scoring about 300 points per game by midseason.

On to the recap of this week’s games.

Wascawy Wabbits 223.04, Elmer Fudd 168.14

Viking wide receiver Stefon Diggs had a poor performance including this missed opportunity
Elmer Fudd/Viking WR Stefon Diggs had a poor performance including this pass thrown over the head of the realtively small receiver

After 2000 years of research, Marvin “The Martian” Jones has apparently perfected his Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator, because he absolutely blew up this week for the Rabbits.  Two touchdowns and over 200 yards receiving made him the high scorer in the league. Christine Michael had a breakout game as well to keep things close through Sunday Afternoon.   Elmer Fudd got decent performances from Demarco Murray and Jarvis Landry, but poor games from Ben Roethlisberger, Martellus

The hunter became the hunted
By Monday night, the tables had turned.

Bennett, Randall Cobb and Stefon Diggs left Elmer with no ammunition left by Sunday night. Ezekiel Elliot pulled the Rabbits close on Sunday night, and then on Monday Drew Brees and Mark Ingram combined to turn the tables on Fudd even with Brandin Cooks and Julio Jones held in check. The loss leaves Fudd winless through three games.


Fitzchize 204.84, Fly Eagles Fly 173.80

Carlos Hyde was a monster for Fitzchize this week
Fitzchize’s Carlos Hyde had a MONSTER week

With two players scoring zero points (Delanie Walker, Kelvin Benjamin) and 5 others failing to hit double digits, the previously high-flying Eagles looked more like Daffy Duck in this lopsided battle of unbeatens. In fact, both teams started a player who was inactive (Eagles’ Walker, Fitzchize’s Donte Moncrief), but strong games from Jordy Nelson and Carlos Hyde were more than enough against the lackluster Eagles performance.  With the win,  Fitzchize who didn’t win a game until week 6 last year,  is now undefeated and in sole possession of first place, while the Eagles take over first place in the total points race.  Interestingly, Fitzchize is 3-0 having scored less points (610.18 vs 618.40) through 3 games than last year’s 0-3 start.

pUSHing Chains 183.66, The Edgars 152.88

Carson Palmer must have taken a wrong turn in Albuquerque because he didn't show up in Buffalo on Sunday
Carson Palmer must have taken a wrong turn in Albuquerque because he certainly didn’t show up in Buffalo on Sunday

When pUSHing Chains QB Carson Palmer headed from Arizona to Buffalo this weekend, he apparently shoulda taken that left toyn at Alba-quoy-key, because he was essentially a no show against the Bills. But even with Palmer’s bad day and a zero-point tease appearance by Rob Gronkowski, the Chain Gang had more than enough to win.  The Edgars had outstanding performances by Aaron Rodgers and Doug Baldwin, but the rest of the team fell flat with only 3 other players topping even 10 points. The Edgars seem to have nodded, nearly nappin’, so someone should have come a-tappin’, gently rappin’ at their chamber door to wake them up for this contest. Just watch the Looney Tunes, Edgar style:


So, it’s been fun putting this together this week.  Hope you enjoyed it. And there’s no other way to end it but…

Th- Th- Th- Th- That’s All Folks!

Th-th-th-th-that's all folks!
I dare you to try not to hear the music in your head.

Week 2: Edgars and Eagles

Week 2:  Edgars and Eagles

It’s Week 2. The newness has worn off, teams start making adjustments, we all start overreacting to what happened week 1 and scoring goes down.  That’s just how it goes, right? There’s a lot of factors that can go into it.  So I started looking into why scoring might have gone down so much.  Only two

I suck
I suck

teams broke 200 points this week whereas 4 did last week.  Three fewer players scored over 30 points, and no one topped 40.  The average output per team went down by an average of over 13 points.  But really, when I got looking closer, the full extent of the drop in scoring can bet attributed to one thing.  Me.  From week 1 to week 2, league scoring dropped 78 points.  From week 1 to week 2, my scoring dropped nearly 83 points.  Its’ all my fault.  Y’all just kept doin what you were doing.

Caerbannog Killer Rabbits 150.82, Fitzchise 196.32

The only starters for the Rabbits who weren’t outscored by at least two different bench players at the same position were Julio Jones, and the guys at positions where I don’t have anyone on the bench.  Meanwhile, Fitzchise keeps plugging along to their 2nd win.   Matt Ryan had a 2nd huge game, and I think it’s worth mentioning that autopicks Justin Tucker and the Bronco Defense scored 15 and 23 points each.  Just think how good this team could have been if Anand had let the autopick draft his whole team!

Fly Eagles Fly 222.96, pUSHing Chains 165.58

For the second straight week the Eagles cruised to a comfortable win.  This also marks the 2nd week they finished just short of a weekly overall win.  Kelvin Benjamin and the Arizona Defense picked up the slack in a week when Antonio Brown was surprisingly lackluster.  Blake Bortles led the way for the Chain Gang

The Edgars 229.94, Creamed Potatoes 183.38

Maybe the headline for this one should be Poes cream the ‘Toes.   For the second week in a row, the Edgars ran out to an early lead on Thursday.  This time it was Matt Forte and Eric Decker leading the early charge.  Unlike last week, the Edgars held on.  The Potatoes got whipped as Cam Newton and Travis Benjamin had huge games.  A breakout prime time game by former Terp Stefon Diggs wasn’t nearly enough for the Potatoes to even threaten the Edgars’ lead.  The Edgars held on for the weekly win and lead in overall points so far this year.



Week 1: Defending Champs Kick Season Off Right

Week 1:  Defending Champs Kick Season Off Right

Pictured: Chris Barker of the defending champion Caerbannog Killer Rabbits (Formerly: Yukon Gold) brings last season’s championship trophy onto the field during festivities before the season opener.

A crisp autumn breeze was in the air this weekend, and with it, our league has started another Fantastical season of Footballing. It seems wrong starting a season of football without either Peyton Manning or Tom Brady on the field. Especially Brady.  I mean, how can we play football without Tom Terrific out there?  Who will be crying to the refs for flags when nobody touches him.  Or kicking safeties in the nuts while he slides with no penalty?  It just seems… empty. It’s sort of a… deflated feeling (You had to know I’d get at least one in there)   Wait a minute, no it isn’t. It’s WICKED AWESOME!   Hopefully Brady can somehow violate the terms of his suspension and be kept out even longer, so we’re not subjected to any Jim Nantz slurp jobs for a few extra weeks.

As for our league, while the players on each team are all new, in many ways the season picked up where it left off last year.  The Eagles and the newly renamed Killer Rabbits put up the top two scores of the week and both came away with wins. However, not everything is the same: Anand got his first win 5 weeks earlier than last year.

Fitzchize 210.02, pUSHing Chains 138.38

The chain gang got off to a rough start to their first year in the league.  It was a bad sign when star TE Rob Gronkowski suddenly showed up on the injury list.  But the pUSHers were ready with last year’s darling TE Gary Barnidge.  They may as well have started Gronk because Barnidge put up the same score.  Disappointing games from several top players put them even farther behind the curve.  Dez Bryant was  a no-show for Fitzchize, but they were able to ride a monster game from Andrew Luck and a nice output from Larry Fitzgerald to coast to the comfortable win.

Fly Eagles Fly 228.58, Mashed Potatoes 191.74

The Eagles and Potatoes played a tight, back and forth contests throughout the weekend and both had several players going Monday night. The Eagles had

Kevin Durant realizes Washington is going to suck this year, just like all the other years
Kevin Durant quickly realizes Washington is going to suck this year, just like all the other years

Antonio Brown and DeAngelo Williams while the Taters countered with Todd Gurley, and DeSean Jackon and a slight lead.  But what looked like it could be a down-to-the-wire affair turned into a lopsided win as Gurley was a non-factor while Brown and Williams each put up over 30 points to Mash the Potatoes, just as they mashed the Washington Football Team.

Game of the Week
Caerbannog Killer Rabbits 233.62, The Edgars 223.82

The Edgars pulled out to a huge early lead behind Cam Newton and CJ Anderson. But the Rabbits hopped back into contention early on Sunday behind huge games from Drew Brees, AJ Green, and Brandin Cooks.  The Killer Rabbits built a sizeable lead late Sunday afternoon as Matthew Stafford found himself in a shootout, but the Edgars slowly started crawling back into contention during the prime time games.  A quick start from Jordan Reed made it look like the comeback was a real possibility early on Monday, but the effort fell short as the Redskins’ ineptitude came to the forefront.  The 233 points was enough to hold off the Eagles for the first weekly win of the season.

Player of the Week and Bad Move Benching of the Week

So this is where I would usually highlight a top player and a high scoring bench player, but now i see the site has some sponsored “Trophies” for the Top player (Andrew Luck), the Snickers Hungriest Bench player (Jamies Winston, languishing on Jason’s bench), and my favorite… the Bucket Trophy for leaving the most total points on your bench (Terry with Willie Snead, Theo Riddick, Big Ben, Ameer Abdullah….).

I’ll have to think about what I want to do here now that the site is stealing my thunder.


Oh, and it’s good to see the image of Tony Romo getting pummeled into the ground is just as appropriate this year as it was before!




Week 16: The One That Counts

Week 16:  The One That Counts

Picture:  Recent Yukon Gold addition Doug Baldwin celebrates a championship while team owner Chris Barker looks on.

Sorry I didn’t get this posted beore I left town for the week.

The Yukon Gold had lost all three regular season games against Fly Eagles Fly, but when it mattered most, the Gold rose to the occasion to claim the league championship.  As was the case for most of the year, the Gold were led by their pass catching corps.  Their 5 WRs – Julio Jones, DeAndre Hopkins, Allen Robinson, Doug Baldwin, and Michael Floyd, TE Jordan Reed, and Palmer accounted for nearly 80 percent of their 231 total points, and those 7 players alone scored enough to beat all but one other team in week 16

The Gold not only won the championship game, but also won the week for the 7th time this season, tying the Eagles for most weekly wins.  The win secured also the top spot in the season total points race.

After dominating the league for the 2nd half of the season, the Eagles picked the worst possible time for their biggest stars to come up small.  am Newton and Antonio Brown were both held in check during division rivalry games that ended in shocking upsets.

All-Pro Team

Position Name Owner
QB1 Cam Newton Jason
QB2 Tom Brady Amina
RB1 Davonta Freeman Doug
RB2 Adrian Peterson Anand
RB3 DeAngelo Williams Amina
WR1 Antonio Brown Jason
WR2 Julio Jones Chris
WR3 DeAndre Hopkins Chris
WR4 Brandon Marshall Anand
Flex Odell Beckham Jr. Terry
TE Rob Gronkowski Amina
K Stephen Gostkowski Jason
Def/ST Arizona Cardinals Amina

Interesting Factoid

The top 2 teams were both led by their WR corps.   Ten of the top 15 wide recievers in the league this season were on either the Gold or the Eagles.

On the other hand, the Mashed Potatoes and Don’t Stop Believin’ had 6 of the top 10 running backs, while the Eagles only had 1 and the Gold failed to have a single top-10 back.

Final Accounting

  • Doug, Amina, and Anand will all owe $75 after not winnning any weeks
  • Terry will owe $55 after winning two weeks
  • Jason nets $100 ($75 for Super Bowl runnerup, $30 for 2nd in points, and $70 for weekly wins =$175 minus the $75 entry fee.)
  • Chris nets $180 ($110 for Super Bowl victory, $75 for 1st in total points and $70 for weekly wins = $255 minus $75 entry fee)

The easiest way to distribute this would for 1 person (let’s say Amina, since her office is closer) to pay $75 to Jason, while the other two (Doug, Anand) pay their $75 to Chris.  Then Terry splits his money $25 to Jason and 30 to me.


Week 15: On to the Super Bowl

Week 15:  On to the Super Bowl

There really wasn’t much on the line in week 15 and the games were all pretty one-sided, so I’ll keep this (relatively) short

At 11-4, Jason and I move on to the Super Bowl.  Terry finishes 9-6 and is probably wondering why he lobbied so hard for 3rd place not getting any payout.  Amina and Doug are tied at 5-10, but despite Doug’s convincing victory this week, Amina takes 4th on the tiebreaker based on two earlier victories.  Anand sputtered to the end of the regular season at 4-11.

Jason is blowing everyone away down the stretch, setting a new record for top overall score this season, beating his previous record from week 3.  It is his 7th weekly win and 6th in the last 7 weeks. With Jason having beaten me head-to-head all three times we played this year, the bigger drama for the Super Bowl is probably not who will win the game, but rather it’s whether Jason can outscore me by the 102.1 points needed to catch me in the overall points race in addition to winning the championship.  The NFL.COM projections have him as about a 65 point favorite (it was closer to 80 earlier this week), so it’s certainly not out of the realm of possibility.

Since the site doesn’t accommodate a 1 week playoff format, I had to manually adjust the schedule to reflect the Super Bowl match-up.  I set the other games up as #3 vs. #4 and #5 vs. #6.  NOTE:  This week still counts for the WEEKLY points contests, so keep your lineups up-to-date.  There’s still one $10 payout available to everyone.